Wow, I can’t believe I get to write a post this far into pregnancy. Reaching the milestones I always dreamed off makes me feel so incredibly lucky. I am 19.5 weeks pregnant as I write this and time has started to speed up a little over the last few weeks. The first trimester went at the speed of a snail, the days dragged on so slowly but with less appointments to count down to over the last few weeks I have found that we are welcoming in a new week much more quickly.
This week I was discharged from our recurrent miscarriage clinic in London. I knew this day would be bitter sweet, the feeling of achievement that we are considered “normal” from now on but also the fear that comes with losing that safety blanket. As much as my bank balance hated those appointments, I really loved them. The nurses and reception staff were so lovely and get to know you and were just such a joy to be around. We had extra scans there so got to see our baby growing very regularly so the last wait of 6 weeks felt like a lifetime. I am happy to report that our little wriggler is growing nicely and they are very happy with everything so I am no longer on any medication or need any more intralipid drips. I had my last one this week, and I will now be looked after by the NHS who have also been wonderful so far.
What has been going on in the last few weeks?
BUMP – Well my tummy is starting to properly pop out now which is both strange and amazing. It is been long awaited for this bump so I am trying to embrace every second of it. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t days that I find hard, but deep down I am always happy to be in this position. I feel just like I am bloated often because up until now the only time I couldn’t suck my tummy in was when I had eaten too much, so it is taking some getting used to, but as it gets bigger and is more obviously a baby bump rather than a lunch time bloat I am sure it will become used to it. It’s a big body change to get used to, and while I wouldn’t change it for the world I have had to have some kind words with myself on occasion.
MIND – My anxiety has become much more manageable as the weeks have gone by. With each scan, I start trusting in the pregnancy a little more and having a little bump is also helpful. I notice that I start to get more anxious in the lead up to each appointment or scan and find myself holding my breath hoping they find a heart beat each time but I think that is normal after experiencing loss. The doctors have been so sweet as they know I am nervous but I have to say I think I have fully accepted it now. Sounds silly doesn’t it at 19 weeks to be accepting that I am pregnant but it really feels good now and my god I love that tiny little thing. I have let myself feel all the feelings now!!
BABY – It is absolutely mind-blowing to see how much it has grown on the scans. It is wriggling around lots now – a little gymnast in the making I think! This week it is the size of a mango and I have felt a few tiny flutters of movement, and I mean tiny!! I am always on the look out for them and can’t wait for them to become more regular soon.
SYMPTOMS – I am experiencing more pregnancy symptoms this trimester than in the first due to all the medication I was on. Prenisone is well known for masking sickness so I was lucky enough to sail through the first 12 weeks feeling fine. Then when everyone says the second trimester is the best one and all the symptoms go away, I have felt the opposite, apart from my hair becoming thicker and growing quickly, I am loving that symptom. As I started weaning off the steroids, in came the nausea and headaches and oh my gosh the exhaustion! I thought I had been stronger than the tiredness as I felt absolutely fine up until now but I completely understand what women mean when they talk about pregnancy tiredness now! I have had to set alarms on my phone every time I pop back home in-between clients, just in case I fall asleep! I have never felt anything like it! In general the symptoms are mild and I know compared to some poor women I am incredibly lucky to still be able to work and get on with my normal life most of the time.
EATING – I have spoken about my new found craving for crisps on my instagram page and loved all the messages with your crisp recommendations!! I am happy to say that while I still very much enjoy my crisps the cravings have calmed down over the last few weeks. My appetite is all over the place, sometimes I don’t get hungry all day and others I can’t stop eating! I am trying to make good decisions at each meal, trying to add fruit and vegetables in where I can and eat a balanced diet … so then when the crisps and chocolate come out at least I know that baby has got what it needs too!
TRAINING – I have been relatively consistent with my training so far, and with the addition of swimming into my life I have also kept up 3 strength sessions most weeks which I really enjoy. Some days I feel more tired than others, or my pelvis feels a little tender so I have to adapt what I am doing but I have managed to make it work. Swimming is my favourite part of the week at the moment, I only go for half an hour but it is great thinking time with no distractions and it gets my heart rate up without any impact or strain on my joints! Most of my training sessions in the gym are a little shorter than they used to be just because that is what feels right for me at the moment.
What I have learned more than anything is that no day will be the same in pregnancy, some days I feel absolutely normal and love my little growing bump and other days I feel nauseous, bloated and can’t decide what I need to eat and get very frustrated with the whole process. Some days I feel calm and excited about the pregnancy and other days (usually when I am over tired) I feel anxious and start thinking about the what if’s. So taking each day as it comes has been hugely important for me so far, and probably going forward I imagine, but I can’t believe we are almost half way there now! I am over the moon and can’t wait for our proper 20 week scan next week, any time I get to see the baby is amazing and I cherish those moments (once I get over the anxiety leading up to the scan!! … gosh it really is a rollercoaster isn’t it!)
See you in a few weeks for another update, but please do keep in touch on instagram @charlielaunder or @bumpsandburpees I love seeing all your messages and stories, what a wonderful and supportive community we are building! x x x